Title: Lucky Charms

Author: Alexandrine of Ravynstone Abbey (The Annex)

Fandom: InuYasha

Genre: Humor, Parody, Crack!Fic

Rating: T for potty humor, language, Inu’s mouth.

Characters: Jaken and the cast of InuYasha, living and dead.

Notes: For inuhanyounikkie, from a comment thread from a while back. Jaken is chased for his um charms by the cast. Abuse of little green men as well as parodying the Lucky Charms commercials. Also written for St. Patrick’s Day. Rife with fandom clichés. And also featuring a stripping Jaken. No really he strips. I had such trouble ending this and had a bolt out of the blue. Apologies for being LATE [almost a year!]

Words: 491

Jaken’s harsh breathing punctuated the air as he scrambled up the steep, rocky hill, sending stones tumbling after him. He spotted a large rock outcropping and sped up as fast as his short legs would go to reach the safety of the rock. Clambering up, he sent a shower of pebbles rolling down the hill, causing his pursuers to curse and dodge the missiles. He turned to face the gathering crowd with the old man head at the ready, then yelled down, “Why are you chasing me? I have done nothing to you!”

“I’m chasing you for your lucky charms, Jaken. I don’t know why all these others are following me.” InuYasha looked back over the crowd of humans and demons, some of them mere ghosts.

“I don’t have any lucky charms you foolish half-breed. Why, Lord Sesshoumaru will punish you for your impertinence, boy!”

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Sesshoumaru was one of your chasers.” InuYasha flashed a fangy smirk.

“I beg to differ, little brother, but I was chasing you for chasing my most loyal servant.” Sesshoumaru glided up, leading Ah-Un with Rin and Kohaku on its back. “I wasn’t the only one chasing him, everybody here was chasing him!” protested a irate hanyou, waving his hands in the air.

“So the mutt is in trouble with his big brother. Priceless.” Kouga interjected, walking up to the group bunched under the outcropping.

“Shut up, ya mangy wolf!” InuYasha snapped, folding his arms.

Jaken glared at the impertinent half-breed. “I’ll show YOU lucky charms, you insolent brat!” He fiddled with the ties to his hakama which promptly dropped to the ground. Jaken kicked free of the puddle of fabric and watched it as it flew through the air to land on Miroku’s head. His hands moved to the fastenings on his haori, then tossed the offending garment, this time landing on Rin. Standing in his loincloth on the rocky outcropping, he cut an impressive figure, or so he thought. With one tug, he was free in the breeze. Jaken tossed the white cloth, this time aiming for InuYasha, who quickly dodged, leaving the cloth to flutter to the ground. “Here’s some lucky charms for you!” Jaken yelled, doing a pelvis thrust and then shaking his scrawny hips.

Pandemonium erupted as the crowd almost as one recoiled in horror then attempted to exit the area as quickly as possible, most trying to claw their eyes out to rid themselves of the sight of Jaken hanging free in the breeze. Almost as soon as it began, it was over, leaving a now shivering Jaken gingerly making his way down the rocks in search of his clothing, the ever stoic Sesshoumaru, and a traumatized Inu-tachi.

“Kagome, in those commercials, did they every catch the little green man?” Inuyasha spoke, hands covering his eyes.

“I don’t think they ever did.”

“I think I know why they never did catch him.”

Birth Day

by Alexandrine of Ravynstone Abbey

for Fenikkusuken

set in the ‘Time Lapse’ Universe, inspired by ch. 19 when Mama Higurashi realizes who Yashita is. The scene walked up and grabbed me by the throat and demanded I write it. I asked permission from Fenik-sama and she graciously granted it.

Kagome’s birth day and he’s there to see her. A moment 500 years in the making and the beginning of the end to his long separation.

Rating: G.

Genre: General/Fluff/Sweet!InuYasha

“Is he related to Mrs. Higurashi, do you think?” whispered one of the nurses clustered around the station desk across the hall from the waiting room in question. They watched the tall, handsome young man pace nervously back and forth, pausing to glare at the unoffending clock.

Long dark hair, caught in a thick braid, swayed with every step he took, the ends brushing a very nice posterior clad in snug, faded blue denim. He wore a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows exposing muscular forearms and a wide leather cuff on his right wrist.

“Could he be any more delicious-looking?” a second nurse said to one of her companions. “I wonder if he’s married.” said a third nurse, smoothing down her uniform.

He paused, almost in mid step, and then the sweetest smile blossomed over his face that nearly brought the watching nurses to their collective knees. Golden-brown eyes sparked golden for just a second. “She’s finally here!” they heard him say to himself. He was oblivious to the ogling nurses as his concealed ears caught the heartbeat of the fussing newborn and his youki relished in her aura for the first time since her older self fell back through the well.

A nurse came from down the hall and stopped. “Sir, would you like to see the baby? We can bring her to the nursery window, if you’d like?”

InuYasha looked at the nurse. “I’ll just visit the happy parents. I’m an old friend of the family.” He jogged off down the hall, following the nurse’s path.

She sputtered, chasing after his disappearing figure. “But sir! Only relatives may see the baby!”

He paused, and half-turned. “You could say I’m a relative, of sorts.” He waved and continued on to his goal.

The Higurashis’ hospital room, just a bit earlier that night

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Higurashi!” A nurse from the nursery smiled as she wheeled in the now cleaned and dressed Kagome who was still fussing at her mistreatment in her little bassinet. “One of the floor nurses told me that there is a young man who’s been waiting rather anxiously.”

She was interrupted when the door opened and a tall, handsome young man entered. He stopped, though his eyes darted towards the baby, and bowed very deeply.

“Begging your forgiveness, Mr. and Mrs. Higurashi. I am Yashita Nishiyori. Please allow me to congratulate you on the birth of your daughter.” He gracefully rose from his bow.

Mrs. Higurashi sat up in bed, making sure her hospital gown covered the pertinent parts. “Thank you, Mr. Nishiyori. Would you like to hold her?”

“But dear!” Her husband protested

“Hush, dear. He won’t hurt her.” She said, patting his arm. “Kagome will be fine.”

“I would be honored, ma’am.” A boyish grin curved his lips. The nurse picked up the still slightly fussy baby from her bassinet and carried Kagome over to Yashita. She carefully laid the baby into InuYasha’s arms, making sure her head was supported. He smiled down at Kagome and she quit her fussing, staring in fascination at the strange man holding her. InuYasha cuddled her close and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “She’s beautiful,” he said, his voice cracking. He carried the now drowsing baby over to her parents. He stepped back and bowed deeply after transferring Kagome to her mother’s arms. “Thank you for allowing me to see Kagome, Mr. and Mrs. Higurashi.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Nishiyori.” Kagome’s mother smiled. InuYasha inclined his head and exited the room.

“I was hoping he was your brother, Mrs. Higurashi. I was hoping you’d give him my phone number.” The nurse sighed, then left the room, leaving the new parents with their baby.

Mrs. Higurashi gazed at the door in bemusement, then looked down at the peacefully sleeping baby in her arms. “I think that great things are in store for Kagome, dear.”

Title: “Thoughts of a Well Sat Hanyou”

Fandom: InuYasha

Author: Alexandrine

Rating:K

Genres: General/Psychological

Pairing: InuYasha/Kagome

Word Count: 447(not counting the header)

Date: 07/12/2006

Disclaimer: I make no claims on owning InuYasha, and have only written this for entertainment purposes only. InuYasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media and Shogakukan Productions Co., Ltd.

Authors Notes: Written after discussing the idea about how InuYasha doesn’t get the respect he deserves with alterfano. Concrit is welcome, for I would like to be a better writer.

Summary: A short fic exploring how InuYasha feels when he doesn’t get the respect he deserves.

InuYasha sighed, after yet another sitting with those blasted beads. He tapped his claws, waiting until the spell wore off and pondered his circumstances.

It seemed like he couldn’t win for losing. It all started with Kikyo. All he wanted was to avenge her death and tell her he forgave her for pinning him to the Goshinboku so long ago, for then he wouldn’t have met Kagome. The wench just had to make his life difficult, what with always getting in scrapes, letting that mangy wolf pant after her or running home for some of those ‘tests’ she always harped on. She didn’t need to go home all THAT often, unless it was to bring more ramen, for he couldn’t protect Kagome on her side of the well as well as he could here. Kagome made the bother worth it though, what with her smile, scent and those holy arrows. Sesshomaru just had to be a royal pain, what with the popping up at the most inconvenient time. And finally, the cause of this latest ’sit’, Shippo! Gods, that brat was annoying. When would he finally learn who was boss?

He thought about the band of misfits that had formed up: a hanyou, a miko, a Buddhist priest (with wandering hands), a demon-slayer and two youkai all united for one purpose: to defeat Naraku and protect the Shikon jewel.

Two warm hands snuck up to his ears and derailed his meandering thoughts.

“I’m sorry, InuYasha.” Kagome said, leaning in close to his right ear, having approached the hanyou from downwind.

“Keh, what for, Kagome?” InuYasha rolled over onto his back, resting his head in Kagome’s lap, too tired to care about what the others thought about him cuddling up to Kagome.

“Shippo confessed that he started the whole thing and Miroku told me that you were definitely provoked this time.”

“The kit needs to learn that he can’t be depending on you to get him out the messes he gets into. I wouldn’t kill him, but some other youkai might.”

“Yes, you’re right, InuYasha, but he still seems so little.”

“Keh.” InuYasha started feeling very relaxed as Kagome’s fingers continued their ministrations on his ears, and inside he was very pleased to finally get some recognition that he was right.

“Ready to go?” Kagome asked, interrupting a particularly pleasant daydream of where he took her on a nice picnic with lots of ramen and nobody to interrupt them especially a bratty kitsune or most especially an evil Naraku.

“Yeah.” InuYasha rose gracefully to his feet and held out his hand to help Kagome up, and they joined their friends to continue their quest to defeat Naraku.

Chapter Three

Kagome and Sango followed Kaede down the stairs and through the castle to the audience chamber where the Nichi, Laird Sesshomaru, awaited them. Kaede paused before the doors carved with symbols of the clan, and turned to the girls.

“Ach, lassies. The Laird wishes to speak to ye, so dinna fash yerself. It ain’t yer fault the boys got yerselves in this fix, sae dinna worry, lassies.” She opened the doors, which swung open on silent hinges. She popped her head in the door and announced, “The Ladies Kagome Higurashi and Sango Taijya, yer Lordship.” Kaede motioned. “Now, go on on lassies, the Laird hates tae be kept waitin’.”

Sango and Kagome walked through the door rather nervously and both jumped when the door was firmly shut behind them.

Laird Sesshomaru of the Nichi Clan was seated on an immense chair set on a raised dais draped in the plaids of the clan: the subdued hunting plaid and the brighter one used for formal and everyday wear. He was dressed in a white shirt over which the plaid was belted and arranged over his chest. Black hose was belted at the knees with a ribbon matching the plaid and he wore soft leather half boots in black on his feet. A creamy fluff was arranged across one shoulder and down the side of the chair, while two swords were in easy reach.

They approached the waiting laird and sank into their best throne room curtseys, their skirts pooling on the polished stone floor and carpeted runner.

“You may rise ladies. I hope you were not too inconvenienced by your unorthodox invitation to my home?” Sesshomaru spoke in a rich, cultured voice.

“Nay, your lordship.” the girls chorused, rising out of their curtseys.

“Excellent. Now Sango, I wish to speak with you first.” Sesshomaru motioned her closer with an elegant hand. Sango obediently came forward, her eyes downcast in deference.

“Look me in the eye, Lady Sango.” Her eyes rose to meet his golden gaze. “Now, This Sesshomaru knows that you are the daughter of the Black Earl. I was not aware of your identity when Miroku came to me with the request to ‘invite’ you here for courting, else I would have denied his request. Now, we can not return you home, since you have been in the company of Youkai. Your reputation would be in tatters. Now I hate to do this, as it seems I am rewarding Miroku’s impudence, but I am arranging a betrothal between the two of you. I wager your father would prefer you be married to a human?”

“So I needs marry the one who has caused such troubles, my lord?” Sango snapped.

“Yes. But you needs not marry him right away. Take some time to get to know him, so you can persuade your father not to come storming across the border to rescue you.”

“Very well, my lord. I shall do as you ask.” Sango acquiesced.

Sesshomaru nodded and dismissed Sango. He looked at Kagome and motioned her forward. Kagome obeyed, moving forward. Sesshomaru leaned forward and grasped Kagome’s face in his clawed hand.

“Are you by any chance related to Queen Kikyo?” Golden eyes roamed over her face.

“Yes-s-s sir I am. She is my elder sister.” Kagome stammered nervously.

“Have you made your debut at Court yet?” He continued, silkily.

“Yes, sir, though not a full presentation. My sister had me become a member of her Court at the palace. I am the Baroness Higurashi.”

“Ah. So you have not been presented to the King, then?” “Nay. I briefly met him when he came to Grandfather’s castle to arrange the marriage, before he became King.” “Explain to this Sesshomaru how you came to be in Lady Sango’s bed last night then.” “I was sent home by my sister after I accidentally zapped the Princess Royal Kagura, my step-niece.” “Zapped?” Sesshomaru’s left eyebrow raised in inquiry.

“All I know is that I reached out to touch her arm to gain her attention and a pink light came from my finger and struck Kagura. She had a burn mark on her arm where I had touched her.” Kagome confessed.

Sesshomaru’s eyes snapped shut and he leaned back, letting go of Kagome’s chin.

“I see…well that makes Sango’s situation the least of my worries. Does the King know of this little exhibition, Lady Kagome?”

“I’m not certain. Kikyo has her own Court and I do not know if King Naraku knows what all goes on there.”

“Have you heard of mikos, Kagome?” He stood up suddenly and started pacing around the bewildered girl.

Kagome looked thunderstruck. “Grandfather kept going on about spiritual power and how Kikyo was the strongest, but he didn’t use the word miko.

“A miko has the power to purify objects and people, especially Youkai. That makes you rather valuable, little girl.” He swirled and pinned Kagome with a single glance. “I believe you would be very useful, my dear. You purified Princess Kagura. Humans don’t get burn marks after a purification, so that means that Naraku is a Youkai and so is his children. Has the Queen produced any children for Naraku?”

“No, Lord Sesshomaru. He already had two sons and two daughters from his previous marriage. The Princes Akago and Hakudōshi and the Princesses Kagura and Kanna.

“I see. Well, I believe we shall be keeping you, my dear Kagome. My brother is in need of a wife and you would suit him rather well. “

Kagome protested, “But, my lord! I’m already betrothed! My grandfather surprised me with the news last night before dinner. He arranged for me to wed Lord Akitoki Hojo, Earl of Nerima.”

“No matter.” Sesshomaru waved away Kagome’s objection. “Lord Hojo would not be able to protect you from Naraku. He has a known dislike of mikos and he may be after you, since it is likely Kagura told him about your little display of power. You can’t go home either, Kagome. Even if you weren’t a miko, you would face the same problem as Sango: a ruined reputation.”

“I can’t ever go home, even if I do marry your brother, Lord Sesshomaru?” “Not as a maiden, but yes as a married woman. You and Sango will be permitted to visit your families after you are both wedded. I won’t permit anything else.” Sango moved closer to Kagome and leaned in close. “It would be better to agree, Kagome. Even if you tried to escape, they would be able to track you and you wouldn’t get very far. Lord Sesshomaru and his brother are inu-youkai, and the inu-youkai is known for their sense of smell.

“I’ll marry your brother then, my lord Sesshomaru. But I don’t want to marry right away. I would like to get to know him better.” Kagome reluctantly agreed.

Sesshomaru quirked his lips in a brief smile. “Excellent. You shall make a very good sister-in-law.” He turned and mounted the steps of the dais and sat in the almost-throne, arranging his fluff, to its original position. “Your fiancés are in the outer courtyard training. Why don’t you ladies go on down and observe them?” He suggested. “Kagome, you wouldn’t be able to miss your betrothed and Sango, you have already had the pleasure of meeting Miroku.”

Kagome and Sango, looked at each other then nodded their heads and curtsied again. They rose and as soon as the girls neared the closed doors, the doors swung open, and Kaede was waiting for them.

“Ach my lassies. I hear you are to marry into the clan! This old lady is very happy.” Kaede smiled.

Kagome smiled back at Kaede. “The Laird told us to go to the outer courtyard, Kaede. Could you show us the way? We’re to meet our husbands-to-be.”

“I’ll be honored, lassies. Follow me.” Kaede turned and went down the hall and onto the Great Hall. “It’ll take ye a wee bit to get used to this sprawl. The lairds of the Nichi clan always add something onto the place and it can get confusin’ if ye ain’t used tae it. Why when I was a child, I always got lost. Yer men will escort ye back when it be time fer dinner, lassies, so dinna fash yerselves. “ Kaede looked at the guard standing next to the massive door. “Move yer lazy hide, and open up the door. These lassies are marryin’ into the clan, so mind yer manners.” The guard snapped to attention and quickly pulled the door open. The three ladies went out to the inner courtyard. “There will always be someone at the door to open it, since it is too heavy for human servants to open.” Kaede guided the girls through the busy courtyard, skirting past the occupied clanspeople. “We have the boys train outside the first wall, since they nearly brought down the castle a few years back, after InuYasha received his sword from the late Laird.”

Kagome looked at Kaede in surprise. “InuYasha is Sesshomaru’s brother?” “Aye, lassie. He is a hanyou, with his late mother, the Lady Izayoi bein’ a human woman. He is half-Youkai, half-human and almost as strong as a full Youkai. He is serves his brother as second-in-command of the clan.” Kagome nodded her head. “I’m to marry him, and Lord Sesshomaru neglected to tell me his brother’s name.” “A bit remiss of the laird, but no matter. InuYasha will treat ye right, once ye get past his gruffness.” Kaede stopped at the gate. “Open the gate! Theses lassies would like tae stretch their legs for a bit and to watch the boys train.” The gate obligingly creaked up, allowing the girls through.

“I’ll leave ye here, lassies as I still have duties tae do before dinner.” Kaede waved and disappeared in the crowd.

Kagome pressed a hand to her stomach. “I’m nervous, Sango,” she confessed.

“Who wouldn’t be, being engaged to a Youkai, even a hanyou? I hope for your sake that InuYasha isn’t a pervert like Miroku is.” Sango smiled.

“Hah. I doubt anybody could be a bigger pervert than Miroku. I mean, touching your bottom and barely knowing you?” The noise of the training men were leading the girls to their destination. The wind caught at their hair and skirts, and nearly blowing them off-course. As they topped the a small rise, they came upon the training men. Two were fighting, one with long, white hair and it looked like…puppy ears (?) on the the top of his head and wielding a rather large sword, and the other man had pointed ears like the Laird’s and a brown tail (?) wrapped around his waist.

“Come on and land a hit, you bastard!” yelled the white-haired man, sneering.

“You like that sword a bit too much InuYasha!” yelled the second man. “Makes a person wonder…”

“Shut up ya fucker!” InuYasha swung his sword at the grinning Kouga, who ducked to avoid the swing. Stupid Kouga, why won’t you take it like a man, Kouga?” The winds shifted and blew past the girls towards the two men. Kouga sniffed.

“Ah I see we have company. Talk to ya later, weakling!” He sprinted towards the two girls. He picked up Kagome’s hands and smiled at her, bright blue eyes sparkling, “The beautiful Lady Kagome. Come to watch me trounce Inukkuro?” Kagome yanked her hands away from Kouga.

“I came to watch my betrothed, sir, and I doubt you are the Laird’s brother.” Sango covered a grin with one hand, but couldn’t contain an errant snicker.

InuYasha jogged up to the group. “Ya heard her, hands off, Kouga. She ain’t yours.” He turned his golden gaze onto Kagome who was looking at a point above his bangs. His ears twitched, and she lit up.

“They are so cute! May I touch?” Her hands were reaching for InuYasha’s ears even before he could give her permission. Kagome’s hands captured their targets and gently rubbed them, forgetting that in order to reach she had plastered herself against InuYasha’s front. His arms came around her and pulled her gently away.

“Do ye mind wench?” InuYasha leaned his head towards Kagome.

“Oh. I’m sorry! Did I hurt them?” Kagome blushed at his nearness.

“You didn’t hurt them. They’re just sensitive. So Sesshomaru spoke to you girls, then?” InuYasha raised his head, looking at Sango.

“Yes. Sango and I are staying here, apparently.”

InuYasha turned his head and bellowed, “Miroku! Get yer perverted ass over here!” Miroku quickly obeyed, and joined the group. InuYasha turned, Kagome still in his arms, towards Kouga. “Get back to training, Kouga.” Turning away, he dismissed Kouga with a wave. “So Sesshomaru has decided to let us keep you girls, then?”

“Yes. I’m afraid you’re stuck with us.” Kagome smiled. “Sango’s father would be very upset if she wasn’t made into an honest woman and, well, me, I caused trouble for my sister the Queen.”

“How so, may I ask, Lady Kagome?” Miroku looked at Her with a quizzical expression.

“I accidentally purified my step-niece, Princess Kagura.” At the surprised looks from the two men, Kagome hurried on. “She wasn’t hurt too much, just a burn mark where I touched her.”

Miroku and InuYasha looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

“You know what that means, Miroku.”

“A big mess. I’m assuming her sister is Queen Kikyo and her brother in law is King Naraku?” Kagome nodded. “I was one of Kikyo’s ladies-in-waiting until she sent me home to Grandfather and Mother. I hope the King leaves them alone.” “We’ll make sure of that, my lady.” Miroku bowed. “InuYasha, I think we should show the ladies their new home, at least until dinner,” he suggested. “Shall we go, ladies?” He offered his arm to Sango who accepted it and made sure that his other hand was otherwise occupied. InuYasha did the same to Kagome, and the two couples walked off down the hill.

*Puts on her bitch mode*  Bitch Playlist in iTunes-ON, Language Filter-OFF

The Fic in Question
First glance-dear god….special characters in the bloody title? What she thinks all the funky characters(text) are cool?  Misspelling in the first 3 words-not good.  An ‘analysis’ of a sock-puppet-OMG-must-prop-up-the-fragile-author-ego.  Another misspelling (god gawd what the HELL are they teaching in school?   I was taught better than that! *is concerned about the educational system*) First person POV not immediately known who the hell is speaking-not Sango or Kagome-dear god its Rin.  Poor girl.  I wrote better shit than this when I was in 4th grade!  Poor word choice.  Good lord using an non-canon character name.  Sesshomaru is rude?  Hah!  Reserved but always polite I think.  One does not speak in acronyms.  AKA is phonetically enunciated by the letter.  332 reviews for this stuff?  There is NO JUSTICE.  Somebody call Wufei, STAT! We need some justice at FFN.
*slogs on for the sake of the children if nothing else*  I’ll need something nice to read after this.
Good god  I really don’t want to go back and see context if its this bad after 5 chapters.  *deep breath and wades back in with her high boots on ’cause the shit is piling up*
Okay so they have a fight over Rin having a boyfriend-understandable when Rin is supposed to be engaged to Sesshomaru.  If I was engaged to Sess, I wouldn’t go out with other guys.  But that’s just me.  OMG This “Rin” is such a brat.  Can I bitch-slap her?  ‘Cause this isn’t Rin-its some pod person/wannabe that’s taken the name and general appearance of our beloved Rin.  A/n’s in the text?  Footnotes are your friend my dear.  USe some of the space you devoted to reviewer responses to footnotes.  FFN has a decent reply system for reviews.  You should try it someday.
Okay returning to the Fic-a dog named Fluffy?  Okay… Could it be Sessy in disguise since Fluffy is absent and Sessy isn’t?  Continuing, rule of thumb-knock if you hear noises in someone’s bedroom.  Basic manners when living with other people.
A 360?  Holy cow they are all snugglebunnies asfter a fight over her having a boyfriend? My bad-it was Daddy dearest.  An Electra complex? Shit.  Kikyo is Rin’s MOM??????  Ewwwwwwwwww.  *Eats some chocolate*  Naraku is Daddy?  *gags*
So Sesshy poo got in an accident.  Waaaaa.  Ah so one had to cut off the arm.  How bad was the accident if the only damage was to the arm?  I thought it took more damage than that to destroy the arm enough to where the doctors had to cut it off.  Maybe it was almost cut off in the wreck?  InuYasha had to use a big sword to do the deed in canon and youkai are stronger than mere humans.
OMG they are discussing sex in baseball terms? And what the hell?  Saving oneself for marriage is good and all, but virginity is not that bloody important.  And hell, I would have no problem in jumping Sesshy, virgin or not.
And pleasant way to kill off Sessmom.  3rd degree burns?  If she was on fire for that long, try 4th degree.
All right, I’m done.  Good god.  It ain’t my eyes that are bleeding ladies.  I’ve seen better shit in my daughter’s diaper.

A quick note: I’m not too happy with the ending, so let me know and I’ll fix it. Chapter 3 will be the wooing and I’ll be working on it tonight. So Read and enjoy the 2nd chapter of Highlander Hanyou.
ETA; Chopped 400+ words off of the ending. Will work on the ending and copy in updates in the morning. Right now its thundering and that means turn off the computer. May do some editing in the rest.
Blame the ending on Sesshy.

Chapter 2

Kagome was the first to wake after a slight pink glow burned through the sleep ofuda. She sat up, yawning and stretching her arms out. Kagome blinked her eyes as she noticed that something wasn’t quite right. She reached over and shook Sango’s shoulder.

“Sango, wake UP!” She hissed.

“Uggh, wha-?” Sango blinked and rolled over to see who woke her up.

“We’re not in your room anymore, Sango! We’ve been kidnapped!” “Kidnapped??” Sango shot up in bed, staring at Kagome in consternation. She glanced around the room, taking in their surroundings, then threw off the covers and went to the window. She pulled away the curtains covering the window and looked out.

“We’re in the lands of the Youkai, Kagome.”

“Youkai?”

“Barbarians of the North. They can take animal forms, and the most powerful ones can take a human appearance. King Naraku has spent many years fighting them, even though technically they are his countrymen. Father is entrusted to guard the border and make sure they stay on their side.”

“So why us? Why did they kidnap us?”

“Judging by the fact were are still wearing our clothes and there are our satchels, and we are in a rather nice room, I’ll say we’re to be brides. But I have no idea how they had even found us.”

“Brides??? Kidnapping women to be their brides sounds rather barbaric.” “They are barbarians after all. But, d’you think this would be a grand adventure?” “Better than marrying Lord Hojo. At least I won’t die of boredom.” The door to their chamber quietly opened and a tall , black-haired man stepped through.

“Ah! The lasses are awake. How are you finding your accommodations, ladies?” He bowed. “Permit me to introduce myself. I am Miroku, and I am Laird Sesshomaru’s adviser.

Kagome goggled at the handsome stranger, with his black hair pulled into a tiny tail at the back of his neck, a gold hoop in his left ear and dressed in a black shirt with the plaid of the Nichi clan crossing his heart and belted in perfect pleats and showing off his rather nice but bare legs and feet clad in black sandals.

Sango blushed and crossed her arms over her rather see-through nightgown. “Miroku is it? Do you know who I am?”

“Why you are the beauteous Lady Sango Taijya, daughter of the fearsome Lord Taijya. You are considered to be a honored guest of the Laird Sesshomaru of the Nichi Clan, along with your friend the Lady Kagome Higurashi.”

“And how do you know of us, sir?” Sango narrowed her eyes at Miroku.

“I saw you at a fair last month. You were accompanied by your brother, Master Kohaku. I was on business for the Laird and spotted your beautiful face. I lost my heart that day, my lady.” He bowed over Sango’s hand while his right hand quietly crept around to rub Sango’s posterior.

“Pervert!” Sango screeched, stiffening in shock. She slapped Miroku in the face, knocking him to the floor, and making his kilt fly up. Kagome covered her eyes and blushed bright red.

“Sango, is it common for Youkai to NOT wear underwear?” But Sango was transfixed by the sight. “Ummm, I’m not sure. The bodies never lasted long enough for examination.” Just then, a group of fellow clansmen rushed in, and stopped looking at the unconscious Miroku, wearing a large hand print on his cheek and showing his bits to the world and the two nightgown clad girls.

“I KNEW Miroku would cause trouble. Perverted monk.” snorted the smallest of the three men.

“Shippo, cover him up. There are ladies present.” The tallest one ordered. Shippo bent over and flipped down Miroku’s kilt.

“Apologies, ladies. Miroku has a bit of a problem with keeping his hands off of ladies’ bottoms.” Kagome, still on the bed, was busily admiring the Youkai, especially the tall one with the puppy ears and the long white hair. Her eyes traveled up his well-muscled legs to the hem of the kilt and stopped at the dark shadow between his legs. She squeaked, as she imagined what he might look like if his kilt ever flew up and if he even wore underwear. Flames shot up in her cheeks.

Before anybody else said anything, a new voice interrupted.

“A fine lot o’ Youkai, ye are. Standin’ around, gawking at girls in their nightclothes. These are English girls, properly raised ‘n such. Pick up that perverted monk and shoo, so the ladies can dress.” An older lady, dressed in the Nichi plaid over a white underdress, shuffled in. “Now shoo I say afore the Laird beats you black n blue.” She made shooing motions and the chagrined males picked up the still unconscious Miroku and left the room, softly closing the door.

“Ach, dinna ye fash yerself about those men. A right bunch o’ too much brawn over brain, I say, well except for that monk, who has a wanderin’ hand. I am Kaede and Koharu will be up with the breakfast tray shortly.” Kaede bustled around the room, straightening up and pulling the curtain closed. “I’d advise ye to dress right quick as the Laird wishes your presence after ye break your fast.”

Kagome and Sango both hurried to dress, pulling out fresh gowns from their bags. Kagome pulled out a dark green gown with white at the neck and cuffs, while Sango chose a cream colored gown with coral embroidery.

“D’ye need any help with the buttons?”

“Oh, no thank you, Kaede. We usually do up each other’s gowns anyways.” Kagome smiled as she buttoned up Sango’s dress, presented her back to Sango so she could button up Kagome’s dress.

“Such bonny lasses ye are. The boys chose right, I’m thinking.” Kaede picked up a hair brush and started brushing Kagome’s wavy black hair, and tying it back with a white ribbon.

“Sit down, Sango, so I may do ye’s hair as well,” Kaede motioned with one hand towards the bed. Sango obeyed and her hair was tied back as well with a cream colored ribbon. A knock came at the door.

“Come in,” called Kaede.

“Kaede, I canna open the door. Those boys left the latch string on the wrong side.” called Koharu.

“Those boys will be the death o’ me yet!” Kaede threw up her hands and hurried to the door to admit Koharu, burdened with the breakfast tray. She entered and went to the little table sitting next to the window and set down the tray. Koharu busied herself laying out the plates of eggs, fried potatoes and bacon along with toast and tea.

“Now, girls, eat for the Laird is waitin’. When ye are done, head down the stairs and ye’ll see the laird. He’s not hard to miss. One of the serving girls will be up to fetch the dishes in a bit.” Both Kaede and Koharu exited, leaving the door open.

“I don’t know about you, Sango, but I’m starving! I didn’t get any supper last night.” Kagome dug into her breakfast. Sango joined her and they quickly finished their meal.

“What do you think of Miroku, Sango? Kagome asked, patting her mouth with a napkin.

“He’s charming, but..” Sango trailed off.

“Those wandering hands?” Kagome finished.

“Aye. He’s human, like us, yet he works for a Youkai. I wonder why? Not to mention Shippo was it, the short one with the fluffy tail, called him a perverted monk. So why would a monk have wandering hands in the first place?”

“Perhaps being a monk here in the lands of the Youkai is different, than at home.” “Perhaps. I saw you checking out the tall one with the cute ears.” “I was not!” Kagome blushed rosy red.

“Uh huh. I saw your eyes try to see under his kilt. And you’re a betrothed lady!”

“I doubt it. I think we’re here to stay.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You said we were to be brides. I think Miroku has his eye on you, since he only introduced himself to you. I think I’m for somebody else, or else I was taken so not to raise the alarm.”

“Good point. Shall we go and make our curtsey to the Laird?” Sango stood up, tossing her napkin to the table. “It wouldn’t look good if we were dragged down there.”

Linking their arms, the two girls went down the stairs as they followed Kaede.

Title: A Highlander Hanyou

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: R for eventual citrus and to cover InuYasha’s language

Pairings: InuYasha/Kagome, Miroku/Sango are the main ones.

Summary: A bit of a crack!fic, featuring InuYasha in a kilt and parodying medieval Scotland romance novels. Kagome and Sango are kidnapped by the Nichi Clan (Western Clan), and taken to their stronghold. Various hijinks ensue and of course lots of fluff.

Author’s Notes: I had to write this after getting the image of InuYasha wearing a kilt and swinging a big sword around and getting the giggles.

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I make no claims on owning InuYasha, and have only written this for entertainment purposes only. InuYasha and associated characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media and Shogakukan Productions Co., Ltd.

A Highlander Hanyou

Lady Kagome Higurashi paused for breath in her trek to her friend Lady Sango Taijya’s keep about half a mile away from Kagome’s grandfather’s keep in the northern borderlands of England. Kagome had to escape before she did injury to her grandfather for his idiotic behavior. Lord Higurashi went ahead and betrothed his granddaughter to a Lord Hojo Fujimori and hadn’t even bothered to at least ask Kagome if she wanted the betrothal. Lord Hojo was nice enough, she supposed, but he was so dreadfully boring! Always so polite and gentlemanly. Kagome wanted adventure, not a gentleman who would bore her to tears in a month.

Kagome came upon the keep of the Lord Taijya, Marcher Lord of the North and waited patiently at the closed gate. The alert guards called down to her.

“Who goes there?”

“Lady Kagome. I needs speak with the Lady Sango on matter of grave importance.” “Oh Lord Higurashi did something to irritate you again, milady?” chuckled one of the guards.

“Yes and I’d rather not go home right now. He is still in danger of me doing him some damage.” “One moment, milady.” The gate creaked open and a guard with a torch in his hand motioned Kagome in.

Kagome made her well-practiced way up to Sango’s chamber and entered the room quietly.

“Had an argument with your grandfather again, Kagome?” Sango sat up in bed.

“Sorry about the latest of the hour but Grandfather had just returned from London to tell me the news.” Kagome undid her cloak and dropped her satchel full of clothes and other necessities.

“News?” By that time, Sango had arisen and lit several candles and stoked up the fire.

“I am betrothed to the Lord Hojo Fujimori. A great coup since I wouldn’t bring much land as my dower.”

“Hojo??” Sango hastily smothered a guffaw. “Oh dear. A very good match, but not one you would want, I see.”

“He is just so polite and oh so gentlemanly. I swear I would die of boredom in a month. I want adventure! A man who is interesting and finds me interesting as well, not some jewel to trot out at dinner and then to be wrapped in silks and put on a shelf for the next use.”

“We’ll come up with something, Kagome. Now it is late and I have lots to do in the morning.” Sango crawled into bed and settled on her side away from Kagome. Kagome changed into her nightshift then got into the bed beside Sango after blowing out the candles and carefully folding her cloak and gown. Her breathing smoothed out into sleep.

Dark shapes crept up to the bed and looked at the sleeping girls.

“Och, I thought they’ld never quit gabbing. So this is the Lady Sango our Miroku is so enamored off and her friend Lady Kagome. So the lady wants adventure? Hey, Shippo?” called one od f the shapes quietly.

The other one answered. “Yeah?”

“D’you think the Lady Kagome would be just the girl for InuYasha? She looks like Lady Kikyo but she’s got spirit she does.”

“Aye.” Shippo went to the chest and gathered Lady Sango’s clothing, stuffing them into a large satchel.” “See? Lady Kagome even was smart enough to pack her clothes as well. She won’t be naked on the way to her new home, I say. Now toss the bags out so Bunza can load them up. One girl per horse and do you have the sleeping ofudas? I don’t relish the though of the Marcher Baron breathing down my neck whilst we make a run for the border if one of the girls scream.”

“Hurry, Kouga. You’re being much too loud and if we’re caught in here, we’re dead.” Shippo carefully dropped the satchels out the window, then turned to apply the ofudas to each girl’s forehead, keeping them asleep. That hentai ‘holy’ man was useful for something anyways.

The two youkai carefully wrapped Kagome and Sango in extra plaids to keep them warm on the trek to the Nichi clan’s holdings. Kouga, carrying Kagome was the first one out the window, carefully leaping from the second-floor window and Shippo, carrying Sango came floating down after him in his pink-bubble form. They paused for a minute to see if they were detected but the guards were still unconscious. Bunza led the horses to the two older Youkai and helped them into the saddle and the group left through the door Kagome had so thoughtfully showed them earlier that night. As soon as they cleared the shadows of the castle, the three Youkai made rapid progress to the border and crossed over the border a few hours before dawn. The threesome pressed on and by dawn, they were at the Nichi Keep. The horses’ hooves clattered over the hastily dropped drawbridge and they stopped in the bailey just before the steps leading to the great hall where Miroku, InuYasha and Sesshomaru awaited them.

Miroku, after glancing at Sesshomaru for permission, hurried down the steps to Shippo, who moved his horse forward., grinning.

“You have her?”

“Naturally.” Shippo flipped over the edge of the plaid covering Sango’s face and Miroku smiled.

“Ah my beautiful Lady Sango. Well done, Shippo. I am in your debt, naturally.” Miroku reached up and carefully lifted her down from the horse and made his way up the steps to her new chamber.

Kouga rode forward and dismounted. He adjusted his burden and went forward to the two inu Youkai.

“We were also successful in finding other quarry, my lords.” He dramatically flung the plaid off of Kagome’s face.

InuYasha blanched and came closer. “Is that Kikyo?”

“Nope, Lady Kagome Higurashi. I believe she fled home because of a betrothal to the Lord Akitoki Hojo. Those girls gabbled like geese.”

InuYasha sniffed in Kagome’s direction and grunted folding his arms over his chest, bare except for the plaid crossing from one shoulder to his waist where it was carefully pleated.

“Feh. She’ll do. Sango would adjust better with someone familiar around her. Carry her up to Sango’s chamber and don’t you dare touch her any more than necessary, wolf, or I’ll be wearing your pelt as my new winter cape. Is that clear, Kouga?”

“Yes, sir.” Kouga nodded his head and followed Shippo to the girls’ chamber.

“I think InuYasha likes her already.” Shippo whispered.

“Feh. He thought she was Kikyo at first. I was hoping though that he wouldn’t take her. She is a pretty wench.” Kouga whispered back.

“Come on. I don’t want to be the first thing the girls see when they wake up. It’s liable to be noisy.” Shippo turned away from the bed where he had been adjusting the curtains to block the sunlight and went out the door. Kouga followed with a lingering glance at Kagome’s sleeping form.

Title: “Thoughts of a Well Sat Hanyou”

Fandom: InuYasha

Author: Alexandrine

Rating:G for all audiences

Genres: General/Psychological

Pairing:InuYasha/Kagome

Word Count: 447

Date: 07/12/2006

Disclaimer: I make no claims on owning InuYasha, and have only written this for entertainment purposes only. InuYasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media and Shogakukan Productions Co., Ltd.

Authors Notes: Written after discussing the idea about how InuYasha doesn’t get the respect he deserves with alterfano. Concrit is welcome, for I would like to be a better writer. Edited with alterfano’s help.

Summary: A short fic exploring how InuYasha feels when he doesn’t get the respect he deserves.

Title: “Thoughts of a Well Sat Hanyou”

Fandom: InuYasha

Author: Alexandrine

Rating:G for all audiences

Genres: General/Psychological

Pairing:InuYasha/Kagome

Word Count: 447

Date: 07/12/2006

Disclaimer: I make no claims on owning InuYasha, and have only written this for entertainment purposes only. InuYasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media and Shogakukan Productions Co., Ltd.

Authors Notes: Written after discussing the idea about how InuYasha doesn’t get the respect he deserves with alterfano. Concrit is welcome, for I would like to be a better writer. Edited with alterfano’s help.

Summary: A short fic exploring how InuYasha feels when he doesn’t get the respect he deserves.

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